Transcript

A key reason why relationships are valuable is that they help us to know ourselves better. Being part of a couple can help us to understand who we are. Our partners may see what we no longer can, both what's adorable, and what's more perplexing and difficult. They might, for example, remind us that we've told that anecdote three times before or that purple doesn't suit us. They can tell us that we've overreacted to a problem at work or that we've placed our trust in an envious friend.

Their responses to us give us a chance to grow slightly less obtuse, haughty, and peculiar. But despite the potential of love to function as a route to self knowledge, in practice, we often walk away from relationships with most of our delusions intact. Some of our problem comes down to pride. We can't find it in our hearts to forgive our lovers for catching sight of material that doesn't accord with what we want to be true of ourselves. We come to love hoping to be admired.